My Birthday

Today, I am 65. It's a little bit unnerving since I was part of the generation that went around saying "Never trust anyone over 30." Anyone besides me remember that? I have successfully (I hope) waded through the Medicare morass and managed to get through Medicare part D ( I hope). It seems like it was simpler in my parents' day. Nostalgia not withstanding, I would not want to go back to those days. My life as a kid was not all that much fun since mom and dad were not very happy together and often expressed their anger violently. My poor brother and I got a lot of fallout from their problems. I believe he and I managed to break that cycle and raise our kids a little more gently.

Somehow, I thought it would be different at this age. Yes, the doctor says I am doing fine and it's only the heart medication that is making my face red and my hair thin. I can live with that. But I had thought I would be rich, in a happy relationship and not have to work any more. I read, but don't participate in, a chat thingie that features the people I graduated high school with. The reason I don't participate is that the people who post on there are married, mostly retired and taking trips to Cancun or other wonderful warm places. Of course, I'm sure there are lots of people who aren't posting because they are, like me, too busy going to work or taking care of family.

On the other hand, maybe I am rich. I don't have a husband or boyfriend but the kids are close by and the grandkids are all around. The house hasn't fallen down yet, the car is still running and the dogs and cats are all sweethearts. There are lots of friends and the job isn't too hard. Doesn't pay much but it isn't too hard.

I read that older people get depressed because they have to face reality. The body isn't as beautiful and there are less years in the future and less energy to accomplish one's dreams or to travel or to find love. Crying yourself to sleep only makes your face puffy in the morning. However, if one really looks at it, there are plenty of things that one has managed to do while stumbling along. I certainly have had a few adventures - some that might curl a reader's hair. There were the hitch hiking years (don't recommend it), the meth addiction (don't do that either, bad, bad), the crazy and dangerous husband (well, that was kind of fun), the good husband (father of the kids, grandfather of the grandkids), returning to college and working. It's hasn't been all bad nor has it been all good.

You wanna know a scary sound in the middle of the night? The sound of a cat puking. Like, where is it...should I go find it now or wait until morning...will I step in it? Ugh.

Tomorrow will be better.

Pat
Greenleaf Coven